The Open-D Tuning Guitar Spot

In response to many inquiries (mostly from myself), I offer this quick guide on how to run an unsuccessful jam, guaranteed to fold after 2-3 weeks:

• make sure you get the nod from a bar owner who is totally disinterested in live music;
• always short-sell the band especially on fee; this ensures the bar has nothing much to lose in canning you; plus other bands can get ripped off in future;
• leave it absolutely vague that you expect the bar to contribute in any way, including promotion, creation of awareness, enthusiasm of any type or level; incentive to encourage attendance;
• be sure to give priority to your friends when it comes to jammers getting on stage;
• be suspicious of any new or unfamiliar jammers;
• ignore your audience whose drink/food purchases are paying your fee;
• play good and LOUD from the very start;
• make sure vocals are inaudible;
• use a crappy PA whenever you can;
• large guitar amplifiers are best for driving people out of the room;
• be surly to all bar staff and management;
• extra long breaks work best at minimizing interest and clearing out a room;
• a long first set by the host act followed by a long break always helps dissuade jammers;
• smoking dope during breaks ensures questionable quality of performance afterward;
• lots of alcohol intake will translate to interesting performances also;
• be sure to stick to the narrow confines of one style of music only;
• play LOTS of long, slowwww songs;
• host players always take the longest solos;
• when a jammer is really good, cut them off quickly before they get too much attention or applause;
• on a slower night (like say week 2) quit nice and early but ask for the same lousy money;
• complain about the bar owner a lot, both to band members and anyone else;
• play the same material every week;
• repeat songs whenever necessary (as in "often");
• try not to look like you're having a good time;

These points should crash your jam pretty quick. Please let me know any other tricks of the trade you've used to kill off a jam in the past.

Oh yeah, play in open D tuning a lot http://www.easierguitar.com . This won't kill your jam but it's fun to do.

Oh year, too, want to see a great jam run by a great band - come to Place Concorde (Windsor, Ontario, Canada) Sundays 4-8 pm.